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22 tips for 2022: You can't please everyone. Here's how to say 'no' and stick with it

Klaus Kremmerz for NPR

It can be tempting to say yes to things you just don't want to do if it means avoiding conflict. If you struggle with saying no, learn to ease into it with a "soft no." It can be easier to deliver if a "hard no" — like a brief "No, thank you" — feels too harsh.

A "soft no" is when you accompany your "no" with an honest explanation — that's no longer than three sentences long. For example: "Thank you so much for asking me to do this project. It sounds really exciting, but I don't have the bandwidth for it at this time."

Natalie Lue coaches people to curb their people-pleasing tendencies. She says a common mistake is giving too much of an explanation or being overly apologetic. Doing that can give the person asking for the favor an opportunity to ask for more — or it can just make the person confused.

Stick with an elegant and short soft no, and Lue says you might start to notice a shift in how you feel after resisting the urge to people-please.


Here's more on how to say no.

22 tips for 2022 is edited and curated by Dalia Mortada, Arielle Retting, Janet W. Lee, Beck Harlan, Beth Donovan and Meghan Keane. This tip comes from an episode of Life Kit reported by Meghan Keane and produced by Audrey Nguyen.

Copyright 2022 NPR. To see more, visit https://www.npr.org.

Meghan Keane is the founder and managing producer for NPR's Life Kit, which brings listeners advice and actionable information about personal finances, health, parenting, relationships and more. She is responsible for the editorial vision of Life Kit, which aims to serve NPR's larger mission of public service.

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SOMOS CONNECTICUT es una iniciativa de Connecticut Public, la emisora local de NPR y PBS del estado, que busca elevar nuestras historias latinas y expandir programación que alza y informa nuestras comunidades latinas locales. Visita CTPublic.org/latino para más reportajes y recursos. Para noticias, suscríbase a nuestro boletín informativo en ctpublic.org/newsletters.

The independent journalism and non-commercial programming you rely on every day is in danger.

If you’re reading this, you believe in trusted journalism and in learning without paywalls. You value access to educational content kids love and enriching cultural programming.

Now all of that is at risk.

Federal funding for public media is under threat and if it goes, the impact to our communities will be devastating.

Together, we can defend it. It’s time to protect what matters.

Your voice has protected public media before. Now, it’s needed again. Learn how you can protect the news and programming you depend on.

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