MARY LOUISE KELLY, HOST:
This is ALL THINGS CONSIDERED from NPR News. I'm Mary Louise Kelly in Washington.
AILSA CHANG, HOST:
And I'm Ailsa Chang in our studio in Culver City, California, where I recently got to meet musician Clarissa Bitar.
Welcome, welcome...
CLARISSA BITAR: Hello.
CHANG: ...Clarissa.
BITAR: Oh, thank you for having me.
CHANG: Clarissa walked in with a black case at their side, shaped sort of like a guitar...
(SOUNDBITE OF ZIPPING)
CHANG: ...But the neck was shorter.
Oh, my God, it's gorgeous.
BITAR: So this one was made in 1921.
CHANG: Oh.
BITAR: So it's over 100 years old.
CHANG: In Bitar's hands was an oud - a wooden string instrument with a base shaped like a gourd. And this oud had small pieces of bone arranged into beautiful patterns.
Intricate bird shapes. And looks like there's vines...
BITAR: Yes. Yeah.
CHANG: ...Entwined around the bird?
BITAR: It's really beautiful.
CHANG: Oh, that is just gorgeous.
BITAR: Thank you. Thanks.
CHANG: The oud has been played in the Middle East for centuries.
BITAR: (Playing oud).
CHANG: Clarissa Bitar is Palestinian, raised in Los Angeles, and they say they gravitated to the oud for as long as they could remember.
BITAR: I have a really funny photo that my family found, and I was, like, a child. And my dad was sitting holding their oud, and I'm, like, a baby, and I have my hand on their oud. And I was like, really, really - I don't - I couldn't even walk.
CHANG: You can't remember that.
BITAR: Yeah, I can't remember.
CHANG: Well, now, at 32, after spending the last decade and a half learning to master the oud, Clarissa Bitar is out with a new album called "Bakhaf Al Layl."
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "BAKHAF AL LAYL")
BITAR: (Singing in Arabic).
CHANG: "Bakhaf Al Layl" - I understand it translates to, I fear the night.
BITAR: Yeah.
CHANG: What's that about (laughter)? Why? Why do you fear the night?
BITAR: (Laughter) I know, it sounds so dramatic, right?
(LAUGHTER)
BITAR: No, it's - the song that I - actually is the title track where I took the name from, tt says, bakhaf al-layl (speaking Arabic), which in Arabic translates to, in English, I fear the night because of your love, or more deeply the translation means because of the absence of your love. And I think that it's kind of a sentiment to that feeling of longing and missing somebody and how it deepens in the night and how, for me at least...
CHANG: When you're alone with your thoughts.
BITAR: Yeah. How those moments alone at night can really highlight some of the feelings of, you know, pain and grief and missing somebody, or love and, like, a lot of different things that I think in the day we might be distracted by.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "BAKHAF AL LAYL")
BITAR: (Singing in Arabic).
CHANG: So I understand that most of your projects up until now have not involved your own vocals, right? Why did you decide that this was the moment you wanted to record yourself singing?
BITAR: I think I had a desire to record myself singing for a long time. But before I transitioned, I really would hear my voice on a track and just say, this is not it. Yeah.
CHANG: What do you mean? What would you hear that didn't feel like it fit?
BITAR: I would say, oh, my gosh, my voice is so high, and, you know, oh, this just doesn't sound like me, and didn't feel like me. You know, I think that after taking testosterone, after I transitioned, I - it was the first time that I heard my voice and I'm like, wow. I wasn't, you know, cringing at hearing it. And so I think that was...
CHANG: It sounded like you.
BITAR: Yeah, it felt like it - oh, this is me. And, you know, before I transitioned, you know, there was a lot of fear around this - like, people would tell me, oh, it's so important that we have a woman oud player because it's, like, a very male-dominated...
CHANG: Yeah.
BITAR: ...Industry. And so...
CHANG: Did you feel like you didn't want to betray that?
BITAR: Yeah, in some ways I did feel like that. You know, I felt like, oh, am I going to let people down? So all the - like, all that self-doubt really crept in. And I think that, like, the thought that I was holding myself back from growth and, like, from things that were opportunities that I could be achieving was really daunting to me. And feeling like, no, I can't be doing this to myself.
CHANG: Right. I will not trap my own self.
BITAR: Yeah.
CHANG: So is there a song in particular that best showcases the way you want to use your voice, the way you love the way you sound? And can you play it acoustically (laughter)?
BITAR: Sure. Yeah, I think there's this song, "Khalini Jembik."
CHANG: I would love to hear it.
BITAR: (Laughter).
CHANG: Yeah.
BITAR: All right.
(Playing oud).
(Singing in Arabic).
CHANG: That is gorgeous and haunting. What were you singing to me?
BITAR: So that piece, it's saying, (speaking Arabic) - like, take my whole life, but (speaking Arabic) - if you could only just keep me next to you right now. And it's saying, you know, time didn't work out for us, and maybe we'll have tomorrow and maybe we won't. But, like, if anything, let's just have this night and, like, stay next to each other tonight.
CHANG: Clarissa...
BITAR: So that's kind of the sentiment.
CHANG: ...I feel like you're drawn to songs about longing.
BITAR: (Laughter).
CHANG: Deep, painful longing.
(LAUGHTER)
BITAR: Yeah, that's maybe - that may be a good theme. I think it's sometimes easier to draw from pain. That's - it's easier...
CHANG: I get that.
BITAR: ...To pull that creativity from there.
CHANG: I get that. So I don't need to tell you that the last two years have been devastating and catastrophic for Palestinians in Gaza. So much has been lost culturally. Does that make you cling more tightly to your oud these days, which has such a deep history there?
BITAR: I'm definitely - the oud has always been a vehicle for me to process a lot of the pain or frustration or longing or all of these things. You know, I think that wanting to refuse to be cut off from my culture and from my land, from my identity, the oud was one of the main ways that I kept that connection very deep.
CHANG: Is there a song that you would like to play for us now, as we're all thinking about Gaza?
BITAR: Yeah. I think that there's this tradition in Arabic music. It's called taqsim (ph). That's basically an instrumental improvisation that kind of gives a little bit of your feeling in the moment. And it can kind of display, like, your rage. It could display your pain. It could display so many different things in the sound. And I think that I could play something like that for you if...
CHANG: I would love to hear that.
BITAR: OK.
(Playing oud).
CHANG: Oud player and singer Clarissa Bitar. Their new album is called "Bakhaf Al Layl."
BITAR: (Playing oud). Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.
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