Poderosa: Youth advocate Julia DeFeo leads with empathy

Leer en español

Julia DeFeo is a community-centered leader and advocate who brings humanity and heart to every aspect of her work. Being a first-generation Latina, born and raised in New York City by a Puerto Rican mother, she carries with her the lived experiences that continue to shape her approach to leadership.

DeFeo is the executive director of the Wilson-Gray YMCA in Hartford's North End, and leads with a vision rooted in empathy, empowerment, and fostering safe and supportive spaces.

In the following Q&A, DeFeo reflects on the values that shape her leadership and the ways she continues to uplift her community by showing up, listening deeply, and staying rooted in the needs and voices of those she serves.

Q: Can you tell us about your upbringing? What people, places, or values shaped you?

A: My mom struggled to put food on the table for me and my two older sisters. We moved around a lot. By the time I was 18, I had lived in over 40 places. So there was a lot of instability. I know what it's like to be the new person, to be the odd one out. I know what it's like to be raised by a single mother, to watch someone fight to get you to a better place. And that was hard.

I saw a lot of struggle. I saw addiction. I saw things in my family — through my mother, father, uncles — that showed me the kind of life I didn’t want. I wanted a different path. And I had to figure it out, without a guide. That kind of resilience led me to be hyper-independent.

As a Latina, there are certain things you’re taught: you're supposed to stay home, take care of the kids, and cook. But I wanted more. There’s nothing wrong with being a mother or a wife, but that’s not all I wanted to be. I believe we can be strong career women, we can move up, we can hold powerful positions, and still have families. It doesn’t have to be either-or. My worth isn’t tied solely to being a mother or a wife. It can be other things.

Q: Did you see any Latinas in leadership roles while growing up, and or how did you start imagining yourself in one? 

A: I did not see any Latinas in leadership [growing up]. Even in a community that is serving predominantly Black and brown communities, the leadership did not reflect that.

When I started working at a YMCA in college, I met Amada Santiago, a Dominican woman and the Youth and Family Director. She became my mentor and shifted the trajectory of my life.

She took me under her wing and gave me tough love. It wasn’t just, “You’re great, you’re smart.” It was, “You have room for growth.” We had hard conversations in her office where she called me out, and at first, I was like, “I can’t believe you.” But she always reminded me: “I want better for you. I want you in my position one day.”

I was dealing with imposter syndrome, thinking I wasn’t good enough to lead. But she changed that mindset, not just with her words, but by teaching me things no one else ever had. She taught me budgeting, finance, all these things I never learned in school or at home. I didn’t see the value at first. I’d ask, “Why are you teaching me this? Don’t we have a business manager?” And she’d say, “Because you need to know.”

She always came at it from that lens, as a Latina. I thought I was already thinking outside the box, but she expanded it even more. I owe a lot to her.

Tyler Russell

/

Connecticut Public

Q: How has your identity as a Latina shaped the way you lead, think, or work?

A: In every shape, way, and form. I have the sazón. This is my superpower. I am a Latina, and I am passionate.

Growing up, I was taught to sit down, be quiet, and just do what you’ve got to do: put your head down and work. But no, I say, put your head up and work. Put your head up and speak. There’s a way to harness that superpower: to be loud and passionate in a way that makes people listen.

For a long time, I felt like I had to shrink myself. Be quiet. Be poised. Don’t be “too much.” And as a woman, especially as a Latina, you feel like you have to fit into spaces like the other folks. But that’s not the case.

Even in the way I express myself — my hoops, the bright pink pants I wear — that’s who I am. That’s when I feel most comfortable. That’s what drives me. I want people to look at me and see what they can be. I know, because I was there, and we can do this together.

Q: What inspired you to enter this field? Was there a specific moment that sparked your interest?

A: I always knew I wanted to work with youth. When I was younger, I didn't have somebody that I could consistently rely on. That need was within me, and I knew I wanted to give that back.

I started in an after-school program at the YMCA through a work-study job and thought, This is exactly what I want to be doing. From there, I did everything — summer camp, afterschool, early childhood, teens, swim camp — any program I could get my hands on, I wanted in.

It is my passion to connect with youth and their families. I have to wake up and have purpose. I need to know that I’m making a positive impact. When you are sitting with a kid in a camp and you think you're just doing a simple arts and craft, you're not. You're impacting them in so many different ways. Years go by, and suddenly you’re the counselor for their siblings, you’re going to their birthday parties, you know the whole family. You step back and realize this is a community.

This work is 24/7. You don’t shut it off. You don’t say, “It’s 5 p.m., bye, everyone.” I want people to know I’m here for real, not just for a paycheck. There's nothing else that I could think of doing that would make me feel that way. It’s beautiful. It’s a legacy.

And even now, I think about how I didn’t have a camp counselor to remember, but maybe someday, a kid will say, “I had a counselor named Miss Julia,” and that’s how I pay it forward.

Tyler Russell

/

Connecticut Public

Q: As you reflect on how you got here, what advice would you give young Latinas in finding their purpose?  

A: Do whatever sparks you, follow what ignites you. What makes your eyes light up? What makes your heart smile? That feeling isn’t a coincidence — it’s there for a reason, and there’s purpose behind it. Whether you believe in God or not, there’s something higher that’s going to guide you through it.

Will it still be hard? Absolutely. You’ll face doubt, imposter syndrome, and tiredness. But if you’re following your passion and purpose, it's worth it. You just have to put in the work, the time, and make sacrifices.

You also have to figure out: How can I be seen and heard in these spaces? Because they're not used to people that look like us or sound like us, or speak like us, or operate like us. So you have to learn how to speak their language while still speaking your own.

Surround yourself with people who believe in you. That's what made the difference for me. I found my village at the Y, people who, when you say a crazy idea, say an even crazier one, and put it into action. Sometimes, your village isn’t your family; it’s people who will come into your path. They're a part of your journey too.

Q: Can you tell us about a specific moment that reinforced for you that this is the work you wanted to do?

A: I was a young woman stepping into leadership for the first time, sitting at a table with people who were more experienced, higher up, and didn’t look or think like me. The conversation was about teens sneaking into the building. The question on the table was, How do we keep them out?

I remember sitting there thinking, we’re looking at this all wrong. At that moment, I had to decide: Do I stay quiet and be complacent in my silence, or do I speak up?

That fire in me kept building until I finally said, “Hey, I think we’re looking at this wrong. You’re focused on keeping them out. What if we talk about bringing them in? What would that look like?” If teens are coming in and there are challenging behaviors in the Wellness Center, how do we make it safe? We started spitballing conversations, and it eventually led to teen programming at that YMCA.

If I hadn’t been in that space, that wouldn’t have happened. That’s why representation matters. We need people at the table who think differently, who ask, how do we build bridges, not walls?

Q: What kind of future are you working to build for your community and the next generation?

A: I want to put the ladder down. I want to show my community: you deserve more, you can have more, and there is more. You are capable. You are intelligent. You are passionate. You are loud. You have a fire in, don’t put it out.

These doors aren't just open for me. I want to open them for all of my Latinas, for my entire community. If I can be someone’s village, then I win. If someone hears this, and they walk into the Wilson-Gray Y and say, “I don’t know her, but I read something with her name and I need help,” and they feel seen, heard, safe, understood, and valued, there’s nothing better than that.

Q: If we talked again in 10 years, what would you hope to be celebrating?

A: I hear too often from our Latino community, “I don’t have my Bachelor’s, so I’m not even going to try.” And I always say, ‘you’ve been busting your [rear] for five, ten years, that’s experience, and that counts.’

So if we talked again in 10 years, I hope we’re celebrating more Latinas in leadership, and that when someone asks, “Do you know a Latina leader?” The answer is yes. Not no, like mine once was, but yes, ‘Julia, I saw her speak at the Latina Symposium. I learned about her work at the Y.’

I hope people see me in those spaces and feel represented, not just because I’m there, but because I brought my people with me. That’s what being a good leader means: it’s not just being one, it’s about creating others.

Just like Amada did for me, I want to do that for others. I want to have the hard conversations that push people to grow. I want to be able to look around and say, ‘When I move on, someone from my community is ready to sit in this seat, and put each other in spaces to keep going.’

Q: Is there anything we didn't touch on that you want to mention? 

A: You can be young and be successful. You come with a different perspective and set of powerful tools.

A lot of times, we’re told to shush. But no. Speak up. Speak out. You have good ideas. Just because yours is the only perspective in the room doesn’t mean it’s the wrong one. Your youth is empowering. And that’s coming from the youngest exec in this organization.

Latina, say it. Say what you did, say what you're doing, say what your plans are, say the impact you're making. Speak up. Put that out there, because we're not used to hearing it. And it's okay to speak up about how good you're doing, while giving everyone else their flowers too. Because I absolutely cannot do this by myself, and I haven’t been. But make sure to recognize your superpowers.

This story is part of the series Poderosas: Portraits of Purpose, highlighting Latina leaders in our Connecticut communities.

Connecticut Public's Eric Aasen contributed to this report.