Audacious with Chion Wolf
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Support for Audacious with Chion Wolf provided by a generous contribution from Suzanne Hopgood in memory of Frank Lord
Chion Wolf 00:07
From Connecticut Public Radio in Hartford, this is Audacious. I'm Chion Wolf. Imagine you're at the airport and you're nine years old. Your feet don't quite touch the floor when you sit down and your backpack feels big on your shoulders. Everything around you feels a little oversized in comparison. The airport signs, the rolling suitcases, the adults checking your bag at security. But you're not going on vacation. You're getting on a plane to live with a host family in another country for six months. See, when you picture an exchange student, you probably picture a teenager, someone old enough to roll their eyes at the airport when they say goodbye and act like they are totally fine, even if they're a little bit scared. But today, we're following elementary student Lola Fraisse from Kidderminster, England, as she takes on a six month student exchange in Germany. She's doing it through a nonprofit program that matches kids around ages eight to ten with host families. And if you've listened to this show for a while, you know we love telling stories that take you on a journey, meeting high school students before, during and after. They live in another country. We followed Salaar Muhammad from Lahore, Pakistan, to Rockville, Maryland, and Francesca Cronin from Dunstable, Massachusetts, during her year abroad in Sarajevo. But Lola's story is different because she's so young. We're going to meet her right before she leaves, and then check in twice while she's finding her footing and learning the language in Germany. And finally, we'll see what's changed about her and what hasn't after she's been home long enough for real life to kick back in. We begin in an airport in England. Lola is there with her mom, Jennie, and they're about to fly out to meet Lola's host family, including her German host mom, Sylvie, and Sylvie's daughter Hanna, who will later live with Lola's family in England as part of the exchange. As they waited to be called to their gate at the airport, I asked Jennie how she's feeling about Lola's upcoming adventure.
Jennie Fraisse 02:15
I'm really excited for her, and I think she's the kind of child that will thrive. And being able to give your children something that they want to do is always nice, right? Like being able to provide experiences. So I'm really grateful that I can do this for her, but I'm honestly finding it quite hard to talk about it without getting a little bit obsessed.
Chion Wolf 02:35
That's okay. Will you talk about how the idea for this came to be? You said you've done this exchange student stuff before yourself. How did you this conversation start about whether or not she would be interested?
Jennie Fraisse 02:46
Yeah, so, I mean, it's interesting when something's such a big part of, like, you and who you are. Because, I mean, essentially, I married a French man, and that wouldn't have happened if I hadn't been on exchange because I probably wouldn't have been bilingual. I wouldn't have been in France. It wouldn't have been such a part, like big part, of my narrative. So I think Lola grew up knowing that it existed, and then expressed a desire that she would want to do it. And has been very vocal about missing her friends, and not so much about her family.
Chion Wolf 03:18
Humbling.
Jennie Fraisse 03:21
'Maybe a little bit,' she said.
Chion Wolf 03:23
What do you think you'll miss most about her?
Jennie Fraisse 03:28
I mean, she's my little pal. Lolo was born 40. She will make a power point about ancient Egypt in her own time. She loves geology. When I go out with Lola, I'm like, I don't need to plan what we do, what we say to each other, like, I've been able to go out for lunch with her since she was two. So I think that's probably what I'll miss most. Lola's her own being, her presence, will be missed, not the arguments, though.
Chion Wolf 03:57
So possibly a lawyer is one of the many things she could do with her life.
Jennie Fraisse 04:01
One of the many things. So I'm gonna pass her over to you so you can have some one-on-one, and then cool.
Chion Wolf 04:08
Thank you so much. All right, here we go. Here we go. Do you have any questions for me before we hop into this, by the way?
Lola Fraisse 04:14
Is this going to make me a millionaire?
Chion Wolf 04:16
Yes.
Lola Fraisse 04:17
No, it's not guaranteed.
Chion Wolf 04:19
Well, not yet, not yet. You got to let things grow.
Lola Fraisse 04:22
I have a question. Do you think this will influence people to do what I'm going to try and do?
Chion Wolf 04:27
Yes, you didn't even need to finish that question.
Lola Fraisse 04:30
Okay, let's get going.
Chion Wolf 04:32
You and I are just meeting right now this second, and I already have a sense of who you are. The sense that I have in the short amount of time that we've been connected is that you are smart, you are funny, nice, you are engaging, you're brave.
Lola Fraisse 04:49
Cheeky.
Chion Wolf 04:49
Cheeky? That's
Lola Fraisse 04:52
Yeah.
Chion Wolf 04:53
You are cheeky. How else would you describe yourself, Lola?
Lola Fraisse 04:56
Naughty.
Lola Fraisse 04:57
What?
Lola Fraisse 04:59
Yeah, I'm very naughty.
Chion Wolf 05:00
Naughty?
Lola Fraisse 05:01
Yeah.
Chion Wolf 05:04
What makes you naughty?
Lola Fraisse 05:06
Lying, sleeping on my school uniform, being extremely rude to my parents. What else? Deliberately messing up my brother's bedroom?
Chion Wolf 05:16
Deliberately messing up your brother's bedroom?
Lola Fraisse 05:18
Yeah.
Chion Wolf 05:19
Lola!
Lola Fraisse 05:20
Oh, I've got my reason.
Chion Wolf 05:24
You've got your reasons. Will you tell me about a few things that you love to do, besides messing up your brother's bedroom?
Lola Fraisse 05:29
I absolutely love spending 24/7, time in books. I also love playing football, and I like making my own PowerPoints. I've done landmarks, monarchs and how they live.
Chion Wolf 05:43
I want to talk about this exchange program. How did you choose Germany?
Lola Fraisse 05:47
ALLEF only does two countries, and that's France and Germany.
Chion Wolf 05:50
How's your German?
Lola Fraisse 05:52
Rubbish.
Chion Wolf 05:54
Do you know any words?
Lola Fraisse 05:55
Thank you, bitte. Please, by, my, meine, mein, feminine version. I'm, the, I can say elephant, dog, mouse and owl, and I can say boy, and that's about it.
Chion Wolf 06:12
Do you know how to say good luck?
Lola Fraisse 06:14
No, I forgot.
Chion Wolf 06:16
Viel Glück.
Lola Fraisse 06:16
Oh, yeah. Sehr klug means very smart.
Chion Wolf 06:22
Because that's you.
Lola Fraisse 06:22
Yes!
Chion Wolf 06:24
You're nine years old right now. You're going to turn 10 in a couple weeks. What do you say to people who think maybe you're too young to do something like this?
Lola Fraisse 06:36
I would say that I'm just trying things out, and it's my choice.
Chion Wolf 06:40
What are you most looking forward to, like at the end of all of this, when you come back home? How do you hope you're different?
Lola Fraisse 06:46
Probably my behavior.
Chion Wolf 06:48
In what way?
Lola Fraisse 06:50
Well, because I'm really rude. So I would think that hopefully they've knocked me back into a right.
Chion Wolf 06:58
Has anybody ever knocked you back into place?
Lola Fraisse 07:01
No, I'm crossing my fingers they will.
Chion Wolf 07:05
Have you always felt like rudeness is part of who you are?
Lola Fraisse 07:08
I've never actually felt it, because I've always tried my best to change it. It's never actually worked. I'm still trying. It really just comes in bursts. It's really unexpected. For me, it's like an animal's just broken from its cage. It just, it just comes out. I don't really get it.
Chion Wolf 07:09
That's okay. I mean, all of us are still trying to figure ourselves out for our entire lives. It's like, that's that's almost what we're here for. And I just want to point out, Lola, that most people who have rudeness or anger, they don't see it the way you see it. They're like, they're lost in the dream of it. And the fact that you can recognize that it happens and that you want to change it, you are, like, worlds ahead of most people. I gotta tell you this.
Lola Fraisse 07:52
Thanks. It's definitely not something that should carry on. I don't know what to say.
Chion Wolf 07:57
I got you. I want you to record a message, a message to yourself after you're done with this whole program, what do you want her to hear?
Jennie Fraisse 08:09
I just would wish myself good luck, and when it's finished, I'd say, 'Well done, Lola, you're now trilingual!'
Chion Wolf 08:15
Alright! Anything else that you want to say?
Lola Fraisse 08:19
Have you always worn a cap that makes you look this cool. And have you always had this accent?
Chion Wolf 08:24
Did you just ask, 'Have I always worn a cap that makes me look this cool? And have I always had an accent? '
Lola Fraisse 08:30
Yeah.
Chion Wolf 08:31
Yes, and yes.
Lola Fraisse 08:34
oh, yeah. And this is personal. Where're you from?
Chion Wolf 08:36
Connecticut, so the Northeast of the United States.
Lola Fraisse 08:39
Oh, that's what the accent is. That's more understandable.
Chion Wolf 08:42
Yeah, well, I gotta say it feels pretty cool for somebody who has an accent to like my accent, because, you know, like to you, you don't have an accent, but to me, you have the accent, and I have the accent to you.
Lola Fraisse 08:55
So if I wouldn't, if I didn't tell you where I was from, where, where do you think I was from, if you thought about my accent?
Chion Wolf 09:02
I would just say Britain.
Lola Fraisse 09:04
Britain. (laughs)
Lola Fraisse 09:06
You see, if I just looked at you, and you said, 'Britain.' What you just said basically. Yeah, I would immediately think you would be from America, because they don't seem to use 't's in their language, even though it's in the alphabet.
Chion Wolf 09:20
Right? Like kitten.
Lola Fraisse 09:21
Kitten.
Chion Wolf 09:21
Mitten. (both laugh) Any other questions for me?
Lola Fraisse 09:28
No. Thanks for the interview. Goodbye.
Chion Wolf 09:32
So that's Lola, nine years old, headed for Germany and already negotiating her future like a powerhouse CEO. Now we fast forward. She's been in Germany for a little over two months. The initial adrenaline has worn off, and the realities of her new life in Germany have set in. A new school, new rules, a new language, and the question every exchange student eventually faces: Who am I here?
Lola Fraisse 10:02
Hallo.
Chion Wolf 10:04
How are you?
Lola Fraisse 10:05
Good (pronounced like German 'gut').
Chion Wolf 10:07
(laughs) Well, hey, thanks for, for reconnecting with me. Um, you ready to jump in? Yeah. All right, cool. So what was it like saying goodbye to your family?
Lola Fraisse 10:21
So my dad came to drop me off. It was really hard saying bye to both my brothers and my mum, as you know. Owen cried, and I think my mom also.
Chion Wolf 10:33
Yeah, so you've been there for two months and nine days. How has it been?
Lola Fraisse 10:39
Good. It was really hard the first month to start understanding what they were saying. To try a bit. I didn't want to answer in German. I kept answering in English because I knew everyone understood me, but because, you know, I can speak French. For me, it was really easy, because I find Germans a bit in the middle of both languages, so I could understand from the second day, I think, pretty much everything. And then it was the speaking bit that was really hard for me.
Chion Wolf 11:13
Do you feel like you can speak and understand German fluently now, two months in and nine days?
Lola Fraisse 11:18
I've tried reading Harry Potter in German, and I started to understand that too.
Chion Wolf 11:25
How have you settled in with your host family? What's that been like?
Lola Fraisse 11:29
I realized how different they are here. They're really nice compared to my family, and so we get loads of sweets and chocolate and all the stuff that, you know, tastes good.
Chion Wolf 11:44
How has it been going to school? I mean, you're being dropped into this school with a bunch of people who probably all know each other. They all speak fluent German, at least. How has it been getting into that mix?
Lola Fraisse 11:59
I've had a lot of luck to be honest. I'm in a really nice class with really nice people, mostly girls that are nice. To be honest. The boys are not so really concentrated. It's really hard to concentrate. People are really supportive in my class. Everyone's nice to each other. There's no bullies. It's better than in England, there's more children, but everyone is nice to each other. Well, the boys, not really when it comes to football arguments, but (laughs).
Chion Wolf 12:31
So at this point, what would you say has been the most challenging part of being in Germany?
Lola Fraisse 12:38
Learning to fit in and to change a bit how you act and how you used to act with your other family, well your real family. And changing it so that everyone accepts you. I think that was hard for me, because the parents have different rules. So the Vater, the well, father, is really obsessed with teeth brushing, and the mother just says yes to everything. It's great.
Chion Wolf 13:06
Oh, wait a minute. What do you mean by changing yourself to fit in? Like, what do you feel like you've had to change?
Lola Fraisse 13:14
So my parents in England encourage us to say, what so the other one has hit you, the other one wasn't nice to you at school and say that to the teachers, but here it's a total opposite. You have to be very quiet and you don't have to say it to the teacher. And to me, that was really hard.
Chion Wolf 13:35
How's the food?
Lola Fraisse 13:38
The food is different. There is a vegetable called kohlrabi.
Chion Wolf 13:44
Oh, kohlrabi. How do you like kohlrabi?
Lola Fraisse 13:48
Not so good. The first taste is okay. It's a bit sweet, and it's got this background taste that makes the sweet one a bit disgusting.
Chion Wolf 13:59
What foods have you really liked?
Lola Fraisse 14:01
So we had a Korean barbecue, and that's these tiny, tiny, salty fish with rice, and seaweed, you know. A bit like sushi, and that was so delicious.
Chion Wolf 14:14
Is there any German food that you've really enjoyed?
Lola Fraisse 14:18
Potatoes with fish fingers, potatoes with potatoes. Potatoes with butter.
Chion Wolf 14:26
Sounds great. Do you know, wait, do you know how to say potatoes in German?
Lola Fraisse 14:31
Kartoffeln.
Chion Wolf 14:33
Ah. What so far has been something that you've tried that you'd never tried before?
Lola Fraisse 14:43
Trying to make friends for me was really hard. In England. I haven't got so many friends, and it's totally fine for me. I've got one best friend. She's really nice to me, but because I'm such a terrible friend maker, it's a bit hard for me.
Chion Wolf 14:58
Well, I'll take you at your word. To me, you seem like someone I would want to hang out with. In fact, I'm hanging out with you right now, so I appreciate though what you're saying. It can be hard. By the way, I've noticed a few times when we've been talking that you sound, not often, but a little bit like you have a German accent. Do you hear it?
Lola Fraisse 15:18
Yeah, I hear it. It's quite funny.
Chion Wolf 15:22
Well, I've asked everything I planned on asking. Did I miss anything? Is there anything that you hoped we would talk about, and I'm a terrible interviewer, and I didn't ask you about and now you're disappointed?
Lola Fraisse 15:32
I think you asked all the questions from the top of my head, but I have a question for you. So when you were younger, did you also do something a bit like this with school, or the rhythm, oh, I've forgotten the word.
Chion Wolf 15:50
German is sucking your English language out of you.
Lola Fraisse 15:52
Yeah. With a, you know, group of people, organization.
Chion Wolf 15:59
Well, I was really bad at school, which made me think I was dumb, which is not true. I just wasn't good at school, and so I grew up acknowledging and believing I was kind of dumb.
Lola Fraisse 16:12
Well, that's a bit dumb.
Chion Wolf 16:13
That's dumb, that's dumb. You're correct. You are correct. You're very wise. That's correct. That was the what was dumb of me. But I had parents who really cared about my joy.
Lola Fraisse 16:25
Yeah, you and how and how you believed in yourself and how you must learn to trust yourself and know that you aren't dumb.
Chion Wolf 16:33
That's right. And because my parents really supported my creative side and my imagination and my sense of humor
Lola Fraisse 16:40
And you realized you weren't so dumb, and you realized you had amazing people skills.
Chion Wolf 16:45
Thank you. You're so cool.
Lola Fraisse 16:47
You're also cool. You know that.
Chion Wolf 16:50
Danke.
Chion Wolf 16:51
Bitte.
Chion Wolf 16:53
When we get back, Lola continues adjusting to life in Germany. How does she think she'll look back on this experience in the years to come?
Lola Fraisse 17:01
You've done a good thing that's changed your whole life, and you've found a family, a really nice family, and a bunch of new friends.
Chion Wolf 17:14
And hear what it's like to welcome a child into your family knowing you're gonna have to give her back.
Sylvie Michaelis 17:20
Everybody is sad, but we found a friend for life.
Chion Wolf 17:25
I'm Chion Wolf, this is Audacious. Stay with me.
Chion Wolf 17:49
This is Audacious. I'm Chion Wolf. Today we're following Lola Fraisse, a now 10-year-old from England as she does something wildly brave, a six-month exchange in Germany about an hour outside Hamburg. At this point in her story, she's been there for a little over five months, and she's just weeks from flying back home. But before we get to Lola, let's meet the woman who's been her host mom, Sylvie Michaelis. Unlike Lola's mom, who was an exchange student herself when she was very young, Sylvie didn't have any clue that this kind of program even existed until one day, she was at the pool with Hanna, and they met another family whose kid was doing this exact exchange. Now, when Hanna heard about it, she was super into the idea, but Sylvie said,
Sylvie Michaelis 18:36
No, you are our baby. You don't go and then she was asking again and again, Mama, maybe you could just ask for information. And I was like, okay, information, Yeah, but why do you want to go? Because I want to speak a language, except of German, like this girl. And then I was thinking, Okay, if you really want to do this, we give him a try, and maybe they won't find anybody for us, because that only if there's a partner, she can go. They said, we find one for you, but it's not France, England. We were like England. That was the story. And then we met the family of Lola the phrases, and they were very sympathetic and and then two weeks later, Lola was here.
Chion Wolf 19:31
Okay, tell me about the first time you met Lola in person in Germany.
Sylvie Michaelis 19:38
Lola was very extroverted, and my kids are a little bit shyer, so it was a different dynamic in our family. I mean, the first months it was hard.
Chion Wolf 19:54
What was hard about it?
Sylvie Michaelis 19:57
Because Lola didn't want to speak German. She said, 'It's too hard for me to speak German,' and she know, she knew that I can understand English, and so she spoke all the time in English. And I said, 'I don't understand you. I'm sorry.' 'I know you understand me. I know it. And please,' she was like, she was angry with me. And I told her, 'Yeah, but you're here to speak German, and I won't answer you anymore in English.' I felt sorry because she didn't understand anything. And, yeah, it was hard for everybody. After two weeks, Lola said, mom to me, Mama, I was all the time Mama, and my husband was Papa, so she really felt that I'm her mom. And Hanna was a little bit jealous, of course. She said, 'Who are you? This is my mom and not your mom.' But of course, I mean, when you're nine years old, you need a mom for this time. I said, 'If you go, when you go to England, I really want Jennie to be your mom, because I'm not there, and now I'm here also for Lola, sorry.' And my son, he's 12, and he said, 'Well, okay, who's Lola? I don't care.' He went away and he didn't, he didn't even notice her for I think, three weeks, but now he says, 'You are really my sister. 'And Lola was extrovertive, like she always took the best of everything, and my kids were irritated when we ate pizza, or something like this, she took the best piece and they were looking, 'Ah, sorry. Who are you?' I mean, we wait for the pizza and you don't take the best piece here. But then she changed her behavior, and she changed also. She tried to be like our kids. I mean, she tried, really tried. She said, 'I try so hard, but they are so mean to me.' I said, 'Yeah, I know. I mean, they are also kids, and they are irritated because you are so different.'
Chion Wolf 22:21
This is a new experience for you, Sylvie. I wonder how this has changed you, not only as a mother, but as a person?
Sylvie Michaelis 22:31
I can make more compromises, yeah, and I accept people how they are. And I tried to talk to Lola very often, and said, 'Look, my kids are like this. You're a little bit different. Maybe we can meet in the middle.' I try to speak with, I spoke to my kids too, and Lola is here totally alone. She has no mom, and we really have to make her a good time here. And they were like, 'Yeah, but she is, I mean, who is she?' I said, 'Yeah, but if you go, I really want you to have a good time too.' So, and then Hanna was like, 'Yeah, actually, yeah, you're right.' And then both of them tried their best, and me, of course, I was always between everybody to make it one family,
Chion Wolf 23:32
So it turned you into a peacemaker.
Sylvie Michaelis 23:36
Exactly.
Chion Wolf 23:38
Lola is leaving in a few weeks.
Sylvie Michaelis 23:40
Yeah, we are sad.
Chion Wolf 23:42
Tell me about how you're feeling about that.
Sylvie Michaelis 23:46
Everybody is sad, but we found a friend for life. She can always come and spend her holidays here, and she has also different friends, because Hanna was her sister, and she found friends too. And yeah, everybody said, even the mothers of her friends are sad that she will leave. And two days ago, Hanna asked Lola what she can do to have her here for her a whole life. And Lola answered, 'You will have me in your heart your whole life, and I will always come back.' It was really sweet.
Chion Wolf 24:36
Because this decision for you was made sort of with hesitation, like you were ready for this not to work out, you did not want Hanna to go. No, this is kind of a wild idea for such young people to go through this. I wonder if you were to speak with another mother who, like you, is hesitant about this idea, what advice, perspective would you give them?
Sylvie Michaelis 25:02
I would say we didn't want it, but now it's actually genius. And I think it must be a kid who is a strong person. Otherwise, I think it would be too hard. Yeah, they have to accept the other mom and the other dad also, but I think after the exchange, I mean, I can see it with Lola. I mean, it's a big, big, big development she made. I mean, it's a such a big step. She's so grown up and so confident. I'm really impressed. I mean, Lola came here, she didn't know a word, and she did it, bravo,
Chion Wolf 25:48
Bravo,
Sylvie Michaelis 25:50
Bravo. It's, it's really, she did it really good. And she's not the same Lola who came here, but, yeah, she's now also a part of our family. She just, yeah, we hope we meet again.
Chion Wolf 26:06
Well, Sylvie Michaelis, thank you so much for talking with me.
Sylvie Michalis 26:11
Thank you for the interview. Have a nice evening. Lola, dein Interview startet (German for: Your interview is starting).
Chion Wolf 26:17
Hey, Lola. How are you?
Lola Fraisse 26:22
Good, and you?
Chion Wolf 26:23
I'm good. Thanks. I just had the sweetest conversation with Sylvie, and she told me all about how you've grown in this time. And so this is like going to be the last time that you and I talk before you leave. When you first got there, Sylvie said you were resistant to learning. Is that true?
Lola Fraisse 26:43
Yeah.
Chion Wolf 26:45
What changed? What made you get more into it?
Lola Fraisse 26:49
So she's a good mother. She knows what a child loves. Guess what she did?
Chion Wolf 26:56
What?
Lola Fraisse 26:57
What do all children of this world love?
Chion Wolf 27:02
Candy?
Lola Fraisse 27:03
Yeah.
Chion Wolf 27:07
Did she use candy to teach you?
Lola Fraisse 27:09
She set this program up, and I needed to talk so and so many words in a day. So 10, 20, 30, they had to be new words. So not und, und, und, und, und, und, hallo, hallo, tschüss, tschüss, tschüss. And I really wanted this chocolate. And, tja, you can guess what happened.
Chion Wolf 27:36
Besides this really sweet family that it sounds like you've gotten really close with, what's been the coolest thing about being in Germany?
Lola Fraisse 27:45
Getting to know new friends. In Germany, I find it's, for me, easier to find friends, because I think they're a bit more like me. My mother told me that she had the same thing, and she said she found it easier to make friends here, because I think they're all in you and trust it because you, you come from England, I think they find it cool. I don't know.
Chion Wolf 28:14
You are leaving in a couple weeks. How do you feel about that?
Lola Fraisse 28:19
So I'm sad and I'm happy at the same time. When I see my parents again, I think it would be the best day of my life. Maybe you can understand why I'm sad.
Chion Wolf 28:31
Yeah.
Lola Fraisse 28:34
I need to leave all friends, and I think that'll be hard for me.
Chion Wolf 28:39
What do you hope your last meal in Germany will be?
Lola Fraisse 28:42
A happy meal.
Chion Wolf 28:44
A happy meal.
Lola Fraisse 28:46
Not a Happy Meal. I don't like these. These Happy Meals are so much. I mean a meal where everyone happy is. Happy is. Where everyone is happy. Because in German, we say that the other way around. That's why I say 'happy is' not 'is happy.'
Chion Wolf 29:08
If you imagine yourself as a 25-year-old looking back at Lola right now, what do you think she would feel about what you've done or say about what you've done.
Lola Fraisse 29:22
You've done a good thing that's changed your whole life, and you've found a family, a really nice family, and a bunch of new friends. That was good.
Chion Wolf 29:35
Good (pronounced as German 'gut'). I'm happy for you because of how much you've grown, and this family loves you so much. It's so obvious. You just have a lot of love in your life right now, and you were courageous to say yes to this, and it's paying off so clearly. And so I'm just very excited for you to go on to the next phase of your life, and I'm excited to meet you again when you're home and just hear about how all this is going. I don't know why I'm feeling emotional, but I'm very excited for you and grateful that you're allowing us into your life.
Lola Fraisse 30:09
Danke. Peace.
Chion Wolf 30:16
All right, now we're jumping ahead again in time to catch up with our adventurous 10-year-old guest. Lola said her goodbyes, or her Auf Wiedersehens, to her German host family, boarded a plane and was welcomed back into the arms of her family in England. When we talk again for our fourth and final check-in, she's been home for about eight weeks, plenty of time to settle back in and reflect on what this adventure meant to her. So what stuck, what faded? Let's find out.
Chion Wolf 30:47
Hi, Lola, how are you?
Lola Fraisse 30:49
Good, thanks. How are you?
Chion Wolf 30:51
I'm wonderful. I'm so glad to reconnect with you, and I'm a little bit sad because this is our last time. I mean, we do have the rest of our lives together, so, I mean, you never know, but I feel a little sad.
Lola Fraisse 31:02
Yeah, that's a good point. Maybe I'll come working for your company, who knows?
Chion Wolf 31:05
Or I'll be working for you.
Lola Fraisse 31:07
That would be quite weird. But okay.
Chion Wolf 31:10
Anything could happen. Lola, all right, so when you think back to your time in Germany, what's the first memory or feeling that pops up?
Lola Fraisse 31:21
All the fun I had with Hanna and how it's for some reason, snowed. I hadn't seen snow for such a long time. Felt so magical, for some reason, you know what I mean?
Chion Wolf 31:34
Magical German snow.
Lola Fraisse 31:36
And just friends. When I think of Germany, I think of friends and Hanna. Hanna and her family come up like, first.
Chion Wolf 31:45
Will you tell me about your last few days there where you knew the end was coming and you were preparing for it, physically and emotionally and psychologically. What were the final days like for you?
Lola Fraisse 31:57
It was like, I want to go, but I somehow don't want to go. And it's just too many mixed feelings really. I'm not sure whether I want it or not. And then, you know, it's a bit confusing. You see, I wasn't crying the whole time until I was actually in the airport, gone. It was very hard because my sister was also crying.
Chion Wolf 32:18
Hanna?
Lola Fraisse 32:18
Yeah.
Chion Wolf 32:18
You call her your sister.
Lola Fraisse 32:21
Yeah.
Chion Wolf 32:21
What was it like saying goodbye to her?
Lola Fraisse 32:24
Hard, but I think the good feeling was that I was sure I'd see her again, because she'd be coming to England soon anyway.
Chion Wolf 32:34
How did it feel when you finally saw your mom again?
Lola Fraisse 32:38
Amazing. It felt like a dream come true.
Chion Wolf 32:41
What was it like seeing the rest of your family when you got home?
Lola Fraisse 32:46
For some reason, I didn't cry for the rest of them. I just felt really happy.
Chion Wolf 32:52
When you were in Germany and you and I talked, there were times where you would slip into German. Does that still happen?
Lola Fraisse 33:00
No, not anymore, but I did realize, you see, my school turned out to write loads of letters that I never actually got, but so I had to translate what they wrote in German back to English, and started translating it back to French, which was very weird. So they had written like 'Und den nächsten Tag waren wir beim elektrischen Dinger,' no idea. See, there was French for some odd reason. And then I was saying, 'Et le prochain jour, blah, blah, blah.' And then I realized, and I was like, 'Oh, God, no.'
Chion Wolf 33:34
So your brain is like, toggling between different languages sort of at will sometimes.
Lola Fraisse 33:38
Yeah, and I can speak sort of better English than I can French. Only thing I lost was literal, just my bad grammar, which I'm happy about. But it's now even worse.
Chion Wolf 33:51
Because this is a scary proposition to do this exchange program, and you got through it, not only, like functionally, I mean, you made it home, but it sounds like what you're saying is you thrived. You made friends, really good friends. Hanna was such a big part of this. You learned a lot of German. How do you feel about yourself having done this?
Lola Fraisse 34:15
I feel really proud of myself and braver than I did before, I guess.
Chion Wolf 34:24
What I can imagine is people listening to this episode with you and your mom and your host mom, and hearing about this whole adventure. And, you know, maybe they are 10 years old, or maybe they have a 10 year old. And this is an incredibly intriguing idea to go abroad. What would you say to them if they were on the fence?
Lola Fraisse 34:47
I would just tell them for me, it was really weird. It took me ages to decide. It took me at least two years to decide whether I wanted to do it or not because I didn't really understand. You see, like, how my mom and my family done it? Like only the good people actually join this. All of them are really nice. It just feels amazing how everyone can get on so easily, I guess, because then afterwards, it does open another way to your life. And you know these people, they're like, nice, and they understand that can be hard, and most of them have also done an exchange and understand the consequences. But you know, nice people, for some reason, have gone through hard stuff, and that's made them realize that being nice helps. And I guess because if they have done an exchange, they realize that if those people weren't being nice, it would be way harder to actually support that.
Chion Wolf 35:38
If you could say some parting words to people about what this experience was like, how you feel now, totally open floor. What would you want to say?
Lola Fraisse 35:47
I would say whenever I'm older, even if I don't have an exchange child, I'd be happy to welcome another child to learn a language, because it really is worth it. It makes your life totally different. You know, a book, you open it and you choose the perspective you want to read it in. Yeah? Or like an artwork, you look at it, everyone looks at it in a different way. It opens another way to see the world through. And I guess it's nice to have a different way, and not staying the same all the time. And I think that's a very big thing to do.
Chion Wolf 36:23
Amen. Well, Lola, I'm sad to say goodbye to you. I've had such a great time getting to know you through this adventure of yours, and I'm so grateful that you're
Lola Fraisse 36:34
I'll see you again, and I'll be your boss. And I'm a very mean person. You only get 20 days.
Chion Wolf 36:41
Okay.
Lola Fraisse 36:42
Of work!
Chion Wolf 36:44
(laughs). Per year?
Lola Fraisse 36:48
Yeah, okay. But you only get paid one cent a day. Okay?
Chion Wolf 36:53
Okay, so we have some negotiations to do is what you're saying.
Lola Fraisse 36:57
But you don't have to work on weekends.
Chion Wolf 37:01
All right, my friend, thanks again for this adventure.
Lola Fraisse 37:04
Thank you too for spending your time listening to me saying nonsense.
Chion Wolf 37:10
You were great. You know what? We were gonna end the story there, but the relationship at the center of it, Lola and Hanna, was just beginning to deepen, so we decided to hear from these new sisters once more when it was Hanna's turn to join Lola's family in England. So how would they describe their relationship?
Lola Fraisse 37:33
Sister-like, but then we have started arguing well, because it's sister-like, and I think arguing makes you part siblings, because if you didn't argue with your siblings, you'd be like matching and it would be boring.
Chion Wolf 37:47
We'll also hear from Lola's mom, Jennie. I'm Chion Wolf. This is Audacious. Stay tuned.
Chion Wolf 38:14
This is Audacious. I'm Chion Wolf. We've been following Lola, a 10 year old from England who spent six months on exchange in Germany. But now the story flips after about three months apart. Hanna, who became like a sister to Lola in Germany, has been living in England with Lola's family for about two months when we catch up. So what's it like when your exchange sister moves into your home? Is the dynamic any different when she's on your turf? I asked Hanna what it was like being the one to leave her family.
Hanna Michaelis 38:46
It was a mixed feeling, because I was happy, but I was also a bit sad to left my family.
Chion Wolf 38:54
When you arrived in England and you saw Lola again, how did that feel?
Hanna Michaelis 39:01
It was great, because my mom was for one day there, so it didn't feel like I was alone. It was that
Lola Fraisse 39:10
You had me, thank you!
Chion Wolf 39:13
Hanna, when you got to England, what was your English like? How was it?
Hanna Michaelis 39:18
I did understand a bit, because we had English in the school, and sometimes it was very difficult for me. It was just different.
Chion Wolf 39:32
Hanna, what has been the most surprising part of being in England?
Hanna Michaelis 39:40
It's cold.
Lola Fraisse 39:42
That's not weird. Your country is also cold.
Hanna Michaelis 39:44
But it's warmer.
Lola Fraisse 39:46
It's not, no.
Hanna Michaelis 39:47
It is.
Lola Fraisse 39:48
Not.
Chion Wolf 39:49
What kind of foods are you discovering that you really, really like?
Hanna Michaelis 39:54
These breads. How are they called, with these holes in it?
Chion Wolf 39:58
Are they donuts?
Lola Fraisse 40:00
Crumpets!
Hanna Michaelis 40:02
Yeah, crumpets.
Chion Wolf 40:05
Lola, you called Hanna your sister. How would you describe your relationship now?
Lola Fraisse 40:11
Sister-like, but then we have started arguing more because it's sister-like. And I think arguing makes you part siblings, because if you didn't argue with your siblings, you'd be like matching and it would be boring.
Chion Wolf 40:26
Lola, when you refer to Hanna as your sister, yeah, part of me feels like you want to protect her, like, here she is in your world, and you're the boss of your world?
Lola Fraisse 40:41
Yeah, she keeps saying, I haven't got a world.
Hanna Michaelis 40:43
Yeah, you haven't got a world.
Lola Fraisse 40:44
She's like, in my world, I can do this, and in my world I can do the total opposite. She's like, you have not got a world.
Chion Wolf 40:50
So do you feel like because Hanna is in your world, that you need to protect her, or do you just want her to fly and do her own thing?
Lola Fraisse 40:59
It depends. I wouldn't protect her from eating disgusting food because it's not my job. Whereas, if she was about to die, yeah, fine, I'd protect her then.
Chion Wolf 41:10
Hanna, do you feel like you behave differently in England than you do at home in Germany?
Hanna Michaelis 41:19
But then it's a different family.
Lola Fraisse 41:22
So Hanna's kind of shy, yeah. So like, for example, in the morning, I think today, was her first time she went downstairs without an adult. At the start, like, in the first months and a half, she just used to ask for everything. Like, 'May I have the butter on the table?' Like, even though it's right in front of her, like, 'Can I have it?'
Chion Wolf 41:42
I want you both to imagine you're 25 years old.
Lola Fraisse 41:48
What, I don't want to be 25 I'd rather be 18. (both girls laugh)
Chion Wolf 41:51
Well, you'll get there. I hope you'll get there. So imagine you're 25.
Lola Fraisse 41:55
Can we be 200 years old?
Chion Wolf 41:56
No, we're gonna stick with 25 because that's when your brain starts to solidify.
Lola Fraisse 42:03
Like 25, where your brain turns to stone.
Chion Wolf 42:05
Yeah, so imagine you're both 25 and you're remembering this time together. How do you think you will describe what this meant to you?
Lola Fraisse 42:18
Well, maybe I'll remember her name if I try.
Chion Wolf 42:23
Do you think you'll still be friends?
Lola Fraisse 42:25
Nah, she's an absolute monster. Course, we'll still be friends, at least I hope. I'll remember her as someone who was better than my two brothers, as a girl.
Hanna Michaelis 42:35
I will remember her as a monster.
Chion Wolf 42:37
You'll remember her as a monster.
Hanna Michaelis 42:39
Yeah.
Chion Wolf 42:41
You both went through a lot to experience this. Was it worth it?
Lola Fraisse 42:48
Absolutely yes, absolutely, absolutely, it's wonderful. I recommend it to every single kid.
Hanna Michaelis 42:53
Absolutely yes, absolutely yes.
Chion Wolf 42:56
By the way, Lola, we've talked about this a couple times. When you and I first spoke, you said that you can be rude, and I asked you a couple times throughout your experience, are you still rude. So?
Lola Fraisse 43:09
I think I'm still rude, but not as often. And if I am rude, well, it's not to my parents, it's to Hanna. But I don't have like these mental breakouts often anymore, because I think the exchange helped me. I learned that no one else can help and I need to change it, and I also understood I'm not the only one who has mental breakdowns.
Chion Wolf 43:37
Any advice for someone who has mental breakdowns and hasn't figured out what you've figured out?
Lola Fraisse 43:44
Breathe in, breathe out, scream and shout and then be quiet and then apologize.
Chion Wolf 43:52
That is very good advice for all of us. So Lola and Hanna have done a brave thing. They left their homes to experience a new country, a different language, an entirely different culture, but as a parent, letting your kid go and then hosting an exchange student, that's another kind of bravery. So I asked Lola's mom, Jennie, what this all felt like for her. And when Lola came home after six months away, what was different about her?
Jennie Fraisse 44:22
Oh, nothing. (both laugh) You know, like the same way people go home after Christmas and they're an adult and they just revert to being a child. It's essentially the same thing. She's gone through this massive thing, loads of change, and then she's come back home and she's just exactly the same, and everything's the same and nothing's different.
Chion Wolf 44:41
Now you have another child in the house. How's it having Hanna over?
Jennie Fraisse 44:46
I just feel mostly bad for Hanna, because she comes from such a quiet household, and she has so much time and attention. Her brother's older, her, you know, her mum finishes work when she finishes school, you know, so she gets a lot of parent to child time. And that is not the vibe in our house, like you have to fight for any scrap of attention. And that means that there's a lot of, like, competing voices, whereas her house is honestly just so quiet. She's so quiet. So I think it's really nice having her here, and she's probably, I can't imagine having an easier child to come and live with you, but I do just feel bad for her running in this like quite competitive race, but that's the whole point of it. Hopefully, you know, when she comes out the other side, you just see that there's a kind of a different family DNA. And that's what I took from it. Like, there's no best way to be a family. There's just a way to be a family.
Chion Wolf 45:54
How have you seen Hanna change in the time that she spent with you?
Jennie Fraisse 46:00
I see how Hanna is when she's on the phone her parents, and that's not the girl that lives in our house.
Chion Wolf 46:05
How is she different?
Jennie Fraisse 46:07
She's just much more gregarious. She laughs more. And I think that's the hardest thing, is hosting someone and you're doing your best, but they don't feel at home still. So I think that's quite hard, because I remember what it's like, and having been through it, you really want someone to feel like this is their home. But that takes a long time for them, even though they don't feel uncomfortable. It's very different from being 100% yourself, and part of that's to do with that familiarity, language, family units. It's like a lot of things to overcome. And I mean, I'm hoping it comes. Everyone says it does, but right now, we're not there yet.
Chion Wolf 46:44
Well, I will let you go. I'm so grateful. First of all, thank you for reconnecting with me, and trusting us with access to your beloved. I've loved meeting her. She, from the very first conversation, I knew I was speaking with someone very special, and it's great, and you could tell that she has a family that supports her being herself, and she seems to be so in touch with herself and who she's becoming, and just, I know what it feels like to have a household that is fertile ground and is a safe place for me to be myself. And that's a gift that not, not everybody gets, as you know, and so you're giving her that gift by allowing her to be herself and to shine and be ridiculous and be angry and be all the things.
Jennie Fraisse 47:30
Oh, she's all those things!
Chion Wolf 47:34
Yes, she is all those things. But the fact that she can feel it and experience it and she's safe with you is, I can't think of a greater gift to give a child. You're doing great.
Jennie Fraisse 47:43
Thank you so much, and it's been great to talk to you.
Chion Wolf 47:46
Audacious is always lovingly produced by former exchange student Jessica Severin de Martinez, Meg Fitzgerald and Robyn Doyon-Aitken at Connecticut Public Radio in Hartford. Special thanks to the friendly folks at ALLEF, the nonprofit that organizes these exchanges for kids eight to ten years old, for connecting us with Lola and Hanna's families. Check out our feed for two more episodes where we followed exchange students on their adventures, like Salaar Muhammad, who went from Lahore, Pakistan to Rockville, Maryland and back.
Salaar Muhammad 48:16
No one changed even one bit. And I will, I changed so much. My parents were like, 'Where is Salaar and what did you do to him?'
Chion Wolf 48:24
And Francesca Cronin from Dunstable, Massachusetts, spent a year in Sarajevo.
Francesca Cronin 48:29
This whole exchange has shown me that, like, I can deal with obstacles and I can move past it. And like, if I've done this, then I can do anything.
Chion Wolf 48:36
Join us for all of our adventures at ct public.org/audacious, or wherever you get your podcasts. Stay in touch with me on the socials at Chion Wolf, and you can always send an email to audacious@ctpublic.org. Peace!
