"I glanced over his shoulder, and saw the question he was answering was asking if I had my son via C-section or vaginally."
Cara Paiuk
A piece written for The New York Times by a mother in West Hartford has gone viral. The article in the Motherlode blog is called, “A Kindergarten Form Asks: Vaginal Birth, or C-section. Why?”
Writer Cara Paiuk and her husband Alejandro visited the WNPR studios recently. WNPR's Diane Orson asked them to share their story.
Cara Paiuk: Back in April, I had my first parent meeting at my son’s soon-to-be kindergarten. And when you walk in, you get a beautiful pamphlet filled with forms to fill out and information to read. As we were sitting down, the principal started talking, and my husband began to fill out the forms diligently even though they were not due for another two months.
I glanced over his shoulder, and saw the question he was answering was asking if I had my son via C-section or vaginally. To say the least, I was stunned, and ripped the entire folder of papers from his hand, and said, “You’re not answering that! No way!”
Diane Orson: Why was this offensive to you?
I couldn’t understand how it would be relevant in any way to my son’s kindergarten education. As a writer, I hear about the mother debates and the judgment all the time. This was one of those things that is hotly debated -- whether you should have a natural birth, or vaginal birth, or an epidural, or not an epidural, or a C-section, or if it’s planned, or not planned. And I thought, this is such a loaded question, and it's none of their business.
Alejandro, what was your reaction to this?
Alejandro Paiuk: I was stunned as well when the form was swiped from under my pen, but I understood where Cara was coming from, and I agreed with her. I didn’t know how they would use the information. I’m a little bit more conservative than her -- she might say more of a pushover -- so I might have been willing to go along and answer it, ignore it and move on, but she definitely did the right thing by refusing to answer it.
You tried to have the school officials explain the reasoning behind this question. What did you hear?
Cara: You know, it really was a justification with trying to give me examples of certain birth traumas that could be indicative of developmental or learning issues with the child. I tried to reason with them, saying, "But couldn’t this happen any way a child is delivered? It doesn’t matter which way." But that didn’t really fly with them, and their argument didn’t really fly with me. Because I am entering the public school system for the first time in the fall, I didn’t at that point push it very far.
What has been the reaction to your story?
Cara: It has been huge. It’s very overwhelming and surprising, but in a good way. I thought it would start a discussion, at least locally. It clearly has started a discussion nationally. And it’s very layered, the discussion. It’s not just about how you birthed your child. It’s almost not about that at all.
It’s about what’s private, and what is our children's privacy, and what information are we giving blindly. I think a lot of moms are going to stop and look now at what they are filling out, and maybe question the relevance of it.
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West Hartford Schools superintendent Thomas Moore told WNPR that the birth history question has been on the district's kindergarten forms for at least 20 years. Originally, it may have been meant to address concerns about birth trauma, but Moore said the question is now under review, and may not continue to be part of the kindergarten form down the road.
