Updated July 11, 2026 at 11:18 AM EDT
During high school, Stephen Parker developed a romantic relationship with his male best friend. The two were inseparable but never labeled themselves as gay.
Stephen and his friend parted ways after graduation, going to different colleges in different states. Although they still saw each other back home on school breaks, the relationship was never the same.
"For the first couple of years that I was in school, I was really lost in grief," Parker said. "This happened when I was 20. I'm 75 now. And in retrospect, I recognize that I was seriously depressed."
One night, Parker stayed up all night working on a class assignment.
"And in order to prepare for that, I made myself a giant pot of coffee, drank the whole thing [and] gave myself an incredible panic attack," Parker recalled.
The anxiety brought up other feelings, including his deep sadness over the loss of his high school relationship. Not knowing what to do, he sought out the help of a housemate named Bob.
"I knocked on his door, and he ended up sitting with me through the night as I told the whole story of that relationship from start to finish," Parker said. " He listened with such presence and care."
Years later, Parker came to realize that Bob was gay.
"He had two friends who lived nearby, two gay men, who had an apartment. I remember wondering to myself, 'Why would two guys wanna sleep in the same bed?' That's how dense I was about the whole issue at the time, and I really was very unprepared to deal with it in my own life."
This realization made that interaction, on the night of his panic attack, much more meaningful.
"When Bob was listening to me, he showed enormous restraint. He didn't ask me, 'Have you ever thought you might be gay?' Because I couldn't hear that at the time. [It] would've been too much. It might even have pushed me into being suicidal. He just listened with an open heart through that whole night, and the crisis passed."
While the two men never discussed sexuality, Parker believes Bob dropped hints that he knew Parker's truth. At one point during college, Bob lost his academic funding and started painting and selling rocks from the shores of Lake Superior to make ends meet.
"He made one of those for me, and it has a picture of a drum and just the phrase, 'To a different drummer.' It was a wonderful message for me to really understand later in my life that he knew what was going on all along."
Parker eventually lost touch with Bob. But the kindness he received from Bob is something Parker will always cherish. If he could see Bob again, this is what he'd say:
"Thank you so much, Bob. You saved my life that night. It was wonderful, and I'm so grateful."
My Unsung Hero is also a podcast — new episodes are released every Tuesday. To share the story of your unsung hero with the Hidden Brain team, record a voice memo on your phone and send it to myunsunghero@hiddenbrain.org.
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