This is a recap of the most recent episode of HBO's House of the Dragon. It contains spoilers. That's what a recap is.
Credits! As you'd expect, last week's Battle of the Gullet earns some new thread in the Die, You! Tapestry — there's Sharako and Corlys goin' at it. And there's poor dead Jacaerys, looking for all the world like your gramma's tomato pincushion. (I've only just realized that when you see blood pooling around a figure in the tapestry, it means they're dead. Both Sharako and Jacaerys get scarlet blooms — but not Corlys. Hunh.)
We open on the smoking aftermath of the sea-battle, and then we see Rhaena, whose attempt to help Team Black turned into a big ol' whoopsiedoodle, tearing away on Sheepstealer looking well and truly freaked. (To be clear, Rhaena's the one who looks freaked; Sheepstealer's just like, "Welp, my work is done here. Gotta be hitchin' a ride on the wiiiiind.")
They don't close-caption a character's internal monologue, but from the expression on her face, Rhaena's would read something along the lines of "Ohcrapohcrapohcrapohcrapohcrap."
On Dragonstone, the dragonkeepers receive Jacaerys' corpse and sort of crowd-surf it into the castle like he's Peter Gabriel during "Lay Your Hands On Me." Sir Lorent Marbrand, Rhaenyra's less-than-loyal royal guard, asks a shaken Baela: "The battle?" to which she responds, shakily, "T'is won."
Which is helpful to know, because from where I'm sitting it looked like a pretty unilateral, omnidirectional clustermess.
If you thought the creators of the show were gonna spare us seeing Rhaenyra's reaction to Jacaerys' death (and duly supply Emma D'Arcy with their Emmy clip in the process), you were much mistaken. It's pretty wrenching stuff. And speaking of wrenching: When Ser Lorent attempts to pull Rhaenyra away from her son's body, she wrenches out of his grip and turns on him, along with the rest of her Small Council, which has shrunk to just two dudes so now must technically be referred to as her Tiny Council.
On the island of Driftmark, which was sacked by the Triarchy last episode, the Blacks storm the beach to set about … unsacking it. Alyn and Baela talk wistfully about Corlys and their respective daddy/great uncle issues in yet another feelings-y conversation that really seems it belongs in an earlier season, when things were a little less Guys There's A War On Can We Maybe Focus, Please?
Addam, flying on Seasmoke, somehow locates Corlys, who just seems a bit winded. Let's pause to unpack that sentence for a second.
Both the clauses "somehow locates Corlys" and "just seems a bit winded" describe a set of circumstances that are equally and wildly unlikely. Credulity-straining. Even flatly preposterous. But given that they immediately follow a phrase describing a dude flying around on a dragon, we kind of have to let them both go, you know? Funny how it works, the fantasy genre.
Rhaena's made it back to the Vale, but Lady Jeyne Arryn wants nothing to do with her. Phoebe Campbell's wiry, wild-eyed performance as Rhaena is turning into one of this show's stealth comic highlights — she's giving Scrat from Ice Age, and I can't get enough. Lady Arryn reluctantly agrees to let Rhaena crash in the Vale, but otherwise washes her hand of the girl, who has clearly skipped every installment of the venerable How to Drain Your Dragon franchise.
The only thing missing was a turkey leg
Near the Gods Eye lake, Daemon and his riverlords celebrate their victory over the Lannisters that is officially known as The Battle by the Lakeshore but which the soldiers have taken to calling the Fishfeed (because the Lannister host was driven into the lake and slaughtered there among the reeds). They celebrate with a bawdy song, like the uncouth Shakespearean rustics they are. You know: There's lots of assorted "Huzzah!"s and mead spilling out of tankards and whatnot. Full Ren Faire vibes. Ye Olde Partye-ing.
My guy Ser Simon Strong shows up, only to receive a snooty reception from Daemon, which is classic Daemon but still makes me mad because Simon deserves better — the man brought a cask of wine! Little thing called the social contract, Daemon, look it up. Do the minimum.
Simon brings a note from the Queen informing Daemon of Jacaerys' death and summoning him to King's Landing to help her take back the Iron Throne. He orders the riverlords to march there, but to leave a small garrison at Harrenhal. This will be important later.
Before he ducks out, Daemon meets with Alys Rivers one last time, and pithily sums up my feelings about all their scenes together last season: "I would thank you for your help but I'm not sure yet what your purpose has been."
Alys wants Harrenhal for herself. Daemon smirks at this, then snoots, then sneers, and then departs, leaving only a thick cloud of condescension in his wake. I can't imagine that's a series wrap on Alys, though. Homegirl's got way too much creepy main character energy to have her plotline pruned in such a perfunctory manner.
The thugs who captured Aegon and Larys' wagon last week get attacked by the Triarchy. Aegon pulls an arrow from one dead body and uses it as a shiv to create another dead body. It's a nice comedic visual, because you can't really cut a dashing kingly figure if you're hunched over a dude poking him with a glorified spork. He and Larys steal away from the ambush, and Aegon insists they head to Rook's Rest where, you will perhaps recall, Aegon's dragon Sunfyre was last seen, missing presumed broasted.
Alicent, in full-on scheming mode, visits the Gold Cloaks (read: the City Watch). (This whole bit? With Alicent working behind the scenes to effect the change she wants to see in the world? Is a show invention, and a good one. It gives her a lot more to do than she managed back in Season 2, when she just sort of … went for a swim.)
At City Watch HQ, we get what is essentially a locker room scene, because the HBO butt-quota must be met. She tries to sell their commander Ser Luthor Largent on the lie that Queen Helaena is ordering the soldiers to stand down and let Rhaenyra take the throne. She and Ser Luthor just sort of regard each other warily for a bit, and then the scene cuts. Drama! Tension! Or their relative lack, depending on how generous you're feeling!
The Daemon download
Daemon has made it back to Dragonstone and gets caught up on all the stuff he missed last season, which turns out to be a tremendous lot. First, he finds Ulf and Hugh lounging around playing Mario Kart in the rec room. He's angry that they left his garrison at Harrenhal undefended against Aemond and Vhagar. They mention Alys, who told them to fly back to Dragonstone, and Daemon is taken aback, realizing that Alys has been playing them all. (Told you! More to come from the Harrenhal Stevie Nicks, I'll warrant!)
He's surprised to see Mysaria there, as you might imagine. They trade barbs, but soon settle into a good old fashioned gossip session that includes the line, "Not everything is about you, Daemon," which let's stipulate is just a very 21st-century Earth thing — both the sentiment and its phrasing — to put into the mouth of a medieval fantasy character. But no matter! We're all of us firmly ensconced in our new, much healthier Letting Things Go Era, right gang?
Daemon tries to comfort Rhaenyra, who's processing that two of her sons are very dead. He does manage to cheer her up a bit by saying he believes her about the prophecy — the Song of Ice and Fire, all of it. I'm on record as not loving this device, which is another show invention. It strikes me as the writers' attempt to attach House of the Dragon to the hugely hugely successful monoculture phenomenon that preceded it, which is fine. But all those visions of White Walkers and Daenerys and whatnot do not and cannot affect the story this show is trying to tell, so the only purpose they ever manage to serve is to nudge us in the ribs and say, "Hey. 'Member those blue-eyed guys? And the three-eyed raven? And the lady with the three dragons? 'Member them?" It's world building as The Chris Farley Show, and it's a mighty thin gruel.
Back at the Red Keep, Ser Jasper Wylde, the repugnant master of laws on Aegon's (now Aemond's) Small Council, shoves his way into Alicent's chamber and informs her that he knows about her plans to let Rhaenrya take the throne. And then, to remind us that a: Ser Jasper is indeed hella repugnant and b: that we're watching a George R.R. Martin IP, he attempts to sexually assault her. Grand Maester Orwyle breaks in before that can happen, and has Wylde arrested.
Meanwhile, Rhaenyra, Daemon, Ulf and Hugh fly from Dragonstone to King's Landing, ignoring the protests and warnings of her By Now Itty Bitty Council.
Alicent, I know the world is killing you
In the courtyard of the Red Keep, Alicent fetches Helaena, who's studying bugs, as is her wont, and saying something that's probably supposed to be meaningful ("This is strange … it isn't the season,") but dammit we can't be wasting time parsing your vague oracular mumblings now, woman! There's a war on!
As they walk together to instruct the Red Keep's guards to stand down and let Rhaenyra in, we get the full confession from Alicent — she knows she misunderstood King Viserys' final words, and should not have installed Aegon on the Iron Throne. Which is interesting, if not surprising.
Fire & Blood, the book on which this series is based, consists of differing historical accounts of this war, deliberately leaving questions about various characters' motivations and intent up to the reader. The show has never bothered with that, and has always asked us to side with Rhaenyra. So while Alicent's confession and remorse isn't surprising, it's easily the most explicit and definitive statement we've gotten yet on that score. And it makes me wonder if, just to keep things interesting and balanced story-wise, the cracks in Rhaenyra's composure we've been seeing lately aren't due to widen into gaping fissures.
This scene on the battlements with the guards gives us an episode MVP moment from Phia Saban's Helaena, when she takes the cue from Alicent to say something Queenly and imperious to the dubious guard, and promptly declaims, "I will not have any beast harmed," and then looks really pleased with herself.
Somewhere near Harrenhal, Criston Cole and Gwayne Hightower see that Vhagar and Aemond have finally shown up to the freaking party, which pleases them. There is much Huzzah-ing.
And indeed, as they fly over Harrenhal, Aemond and Vhagar make short work (short rib work, more like) of the small garrison Daemon left behind. Aemond enters the castle, slicing through what little resistance he meets like a hot knife through lightly armored butter.
He arrives in the hall where the hobbity Ser Simon Strong and his hobbity sons are eating dinner, hobbitishly. Simon, bless his Falstaffian, arteriosclerotic heart, attempts to placate Aemond in exactly the same way he placated Daemon last season, with kind words of supplication and flattery. But no — they can't see eye-to-eye (heh), and Aemond takes out my poor, sweet, avuncular Ser Simon, and his sons.
In the process, he takes a dagger to the side and starts losing gouts and gouts of blood, just as Alys Rivers shows up.
I'm sure that will work out well for him.
At the Red Keep, a remarkably similar scenario to Aemond's plays out for Rhaenyra and Daemon. While most of the guards have hung up their shields, they meet some resistance on their way to the throne room, which Daemon easily dispatches. His Valyrian steel goes snicker-snack.
As they approach the Iron Throne, the Kingsguard (aka White Cloaks) show up to defend it. But then the City Watch (aka the Gold Cloaks) show up to side with Rhaenyra and Daemon, and the balance of power shifts back. (Daemon used to run the Gold Cloaks, back in the day, so there's some bro-y business between him and the Ser Luthor Largent).
Then someone shouts, "Seize them!" which is a phrase that makes any situation empirically better — try it out at your next church potluck! — and the White Cloaks get fully seized.
But Rhaeyra doesn't plop her butt on the Iron Throne just yet — she wants Aegon the Usurper brought to her. ("Bring him to me!" being another great phrase that we don't get to bust out often enough, in this our sad, fallen, denuded world.)
Meanwhile, Alicent and Helaena, dressed in richly appointed, vibrantly hued cloaks, attempt to blend into the drab colorless burlap-clad rabble of King's Landing in exactly the same way that a pair of drag queens would blend into an Apple store.
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In King Aegon's chambers, Daemon finds only Grand Maester Orwyle, who promises fealty to Rhaenyra — and to give up someone who might satisfy the Queen's thirst for vengeance.
He's thinking of Jasper Wylde, but when Daemon goes to visit Wylde's cell, the jailer informs him that Larys Strong left him "a gift" in case he ever returned. Turns out it's way better than boring old repugnant Jasper Wylde — it's Otto Hightower himself.
Oh, Rhys Ifans, how we missed you, and how Westeros has missed Otto's sagacious, cool-headed approach to ruling a kingdom. Ifans doesn't get a lot to do in his final scene, but he makes the most of it. He's dragged before the Rhaenyra, who — after some dithering, and one sinew-slicing false start — lops off his head with Daemon's sword Dark Sister. Ditto Daemon to Jasper Wylde, and good riddance.
Then and only then she climbs the Iron Throne, and sits. If her subjects notice that flop-sweat on her brow, and how generally shaky she seems, they tactfully pretend not to.
Parting thoughts
- OK I was kidding — we do, in fact, have to try to parse Helaena's words. "That's strange — it's not the season." That indicates something happening before its proper time — Rhaenyra on the Iron Throne, probably? Or Helaena and Alicent leaving the Red Keep?
- Operation Daeronwatch: No updates. Kid still MIA.
- HBO has clarified for us that last week's scene with Ulf, Hugh, Addam and Alys — and this week's scene between Daemon and Alys — do not take place on the Isle of Faces, as I and many others inferred, but just on the shores of the Gods Eye. Despite the fact that we saw a Green Man, one of the guardians of the Isle of Faces. Guess he was just … nipping into town for groceries?
- Last season, on one of Daemon's interminable dream/vision midnight walkabouts, he saw himself dressed as Aemond — down to the eyepatch. I chalked it up to pointless mystic goof-juicery then, but the show now seems to be drawing direct parallels between the two characters. To what end, exactly, I still can't say.
- Pour one out for Ser Simon Strong, the most relatable character in the whole dang series if, like me, you are a soft sort who's more about eating and drinking than fighting. And keep pouring it out for Sir Simon Russell Beale, who invested a fairly stock character with human warmth and humor and — it bears repeating — softness. Westeros is a cruel, hard place for us indoor kids.
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