As more Americans take on the role of caring for aging parents, spouses or relatives, many are finding themselves unprepared for the challenges that come with it.
Caregiving can be overwhelming, especially for those trying to balance work and family responsibilities.
Beverly Kidder is vice president of community programs for the Agency on Aging of South Central Connecticut.
Here are excerpts of her conversation with Connecticut Public:
What are the most common mistakes or challenges you see new caregivers run into?
Unfortunately, for a lot of folks, they're opening wrong doors and feeling like they're running in circles.
One of the resources that I think is very helpful is the website for Aging CT.
Aging CT is the group of agencies on aging that cover the entire state of Connecticut. And in that one place, you can see some fairly easy-to-read materials [and] what are some avenues of resources.
You type in your contact information, and a real person gets back to you and then goes with you through what you need: What are the services that are specific to you that might be helpful? What do you not know that I can share with you? Aging CT is a public service, and so it, I believe, is the best single entry point for people.
Caregivers say that caregiving work is all-encompassing, and you can lose your sense of self. What are some ways to manage that stress?
Breathe, take breaks, have a gratitude journal and exercise.
If they can do those four things, they will go the long haul in caregiving without bearing the physical and emotional stress that it can be for many people.
Caregivers can experience anger and frustration that a person they love is now demanding all of their time. How do we deal with those feelings?
It's one of the reasons we recommend so strongly to caregivers that they get into support groups.
You're having these thoughts and feelings, and you feel guilty about them, and you don't realize a whole lot of people are feeling them. Having that support of other people, being able to let your hair down and say what I really feel, how hard this is on me.
Getting that support from the people in the support group is extremely important. And we have found, to our great delight, that online support groups have just as good outcomes from the people who participate as in person.
That's so important for caregivers, because often they don't have the ability to just leave the person, travel somewhere to a support group, be there for an hour-and-a-half and travel back. They don't have anyone [to help them] for that, so it's more stressful for them to try and get to a support group. But the online groups – you just can't beat how good that is. And people really are using them all over the world ... and they're getting wonderful, wonderful outcomes from them.
Are there other resources available that many new caregivers do not know about?
In addition to Aging CT, in Connecticut, for individuals who have dementia, there's a wonderful caregiver program called the Connecticut Statewide Respite Care Program, which has funding for people who are eligible. ...
The question I get asked most for help with is bathing older adults who can't care for themselves any longer. So the caregiver is there and willing to do it, but trying to do it all by yourself is risky and dangerous and so they need help with that. This program can actually pay for someone to come in and do it, plus you get a care manager who then sets it up for you. ... So that's a really wonderful resource.
Another wonderful resource is the National Family Caregiver Support Program, which is a federally-funded program with no income or asset limitations. ... They can put in homemakers, home health aides, companions, depending on what the need is. [They can] help with transportation....The program also has the ability to help people who are paying for things. The thing most often paid for are personal products. Diapers is the primary one — underpads — because incontinence is a problem for a lot of folks, and the family's paying for that and it's expensive.
This interview has been edited for clarity.
Caregiving in Connecticut
This story is part of our Caregiving in Connecticut series. Explore the stories and conversations.
